If I Were Some Other Girl

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If I were some other girl,

I’d think her a fool

I’d think that no one is that busy… and if he wanted to make time for her he would

I’d tell her to get a clue

I’d think she was a naive, sad, scared, desperate little thing, drunk on the idea that love could heal her brokenness

I’d tell myself I’d never be like her

If I were some other girl,

I’d probably talk about her behind her back.

I’d say she was weak

I’d think it preposterous how she rejoices in the slivers of time he tosses her

I’d drown in the sea of excuses that gush from her mouth under the guise of his heart

I’d ask her why she’s so afraid to believe that she deserves more

I’d wonder about him; how he managed to keep her engulfed in his sorrows while she limped around in her own shackles of excruciating pain

I’d think he was quite smart

If I were some other girl,

I’d tell her that she was worth so much more than all of the I’ll-try’s and I-don’t-know’s that fell at her feet

I’d tell her that she was killing herself, clawing at the remnants of her shredded past, mistaking them for the streamers of a future bliss

I’d remind her that her empathy can only go so far, and that it was perfectly alright to reserve some kindness and understanding for herself

I’d tell her that she didn’t need anyone else to be whole

I’d tell her she is beautiful

I’d tell her she is enough

If I were some other girl

Who would be silly, insignificant, shattered, emotional, insecure, gullible little me?

Water falling down my face, echos trapped inside my throat every night little me

Voices in my head screaming for sharp legs to run across my flesh little me

Missing kisses and spoons and hugs and massages and what it feels like to be taken care of little me

Abandoned little me

Neglected little me

Lonely little me

Crazy little me

Angry little me

Lost little me

Little, little me

Alone

Afraid

Undone

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