3:16 A.M.

I am unhappy

Nights like this

Sipping wine and listening to Portishead

Wondering if there is anyone else in this world who feels the way I do

Alone

Underwhelmed

Almost angry even

In contention with the present moment

Completely tangled in emotional filth

Wanting to reach out but having no one with an outstretched arm & a helping hand attached

Empty

Lonely

Tired

but not sleepy

Insomnia dances with the uncontrollable thoughts which plague my very existence

What do you want?

Why do you torment me so?

What is it that I am supposed to be doing to be happy?

Where is it that I am failing?

Why am I so

deflated

dreary

bored

sad

sad

sad

?

 

My eyebrows furrowed and my lips pursed

I remind myself that such expressions cause wrinkles

I readjust my face

I tell myself it’s alright

Everyone gets lonely

depressed

anxious

listless

lethargic

sometimes

I take a deep breath and collect myself

I get on with it

because that’s what people do, don’t they?

They suck it up and move the fuck on

Quit crying and get up

get out

get something

but what?

What do you want from me, life?

What do I have to do in order for you to give me a fucking break?

Who do I have to be in order to be happy?

Because being myself isn’t cutting it…

 

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