Self

Behind my many faces lay just one hidden fortress

Locked within, hidden, a mind tightly shackled and kept secret

Mentally chained I strain to break free of the fallacies and lies

On a path to self-discovery, soul-searching realized

My life epitomizes strife

I strive through my mind’s eye

To see, to truly see the way one should through a third eye

But my vision is blurred by tear drops from mental cries

Crying out my mind shouts at me

“Why am I still locked inside?!”

“Why won’t you let me break free from this prison you’ve derived

from the fear to let someone see what you try so hard to hide?”

But that’s how I survive

A lifetime spent trying to figure me out

Thoughts which seem to impress others repressed by my own self-doubt

Success is where they say I’m heading

They think my future’s secure

and failing them is what I’m dreading

Achieving even more…

So I let them try to excavate what I try so hard to hide

and at times it’s right, sometimes it’s not

I neither confirm or deny

For I, myself am looking for the soul I have inside

Searching for a path toward wisdom with my heart the only guide

People try to know me, yet I barely know myself

Creeping in with great stealth

detrimental to my health

What if they find out?!

What if they know me despite my great facade?

What if they tell me I act like what I’m not?

No, I can’t take the chance

I feel safe in my fortress

But I’m so fucking protected even I can’t get in!

I struggle to know myself

I struggle to knock down the walls I’ve built

I struggle to see past the heartache I’ve felt

and struggle to conquer the guilt

I want to know myself but soul-searching is a bitch

but actually achieving this would grant an overdue wish

Discovering yourself is perhaps only described best

as the most necessary and special gift that ever could exist

 

Self

-Trinity Blaze (age 17)

Written on June 26, 2002 

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