Locked Inside my Head

I sit alone

Oblivious to everything

Knowing everyone

Looking deep into their shallowness

Feeling suffocated

because I am my own best company

Claustrophobia is setting in

Not physical

but mental

My mind is cluttered

The walls are closing in

The girl in front of me chats with her friend

She sounds so stupid

His pants are too big

She has on way too much makeup

She’s wearing the latest boots

with a skirt and fishnet stockings

because she wants to be different

because she’s an individual

like everyone else

Everyone is so uniquely the same

1 is such a crowd for me

Why is she sitting alone every morning

just writing

Writing alone

Alone writing

Yes

I’m alone

Alone in the crowd

The crowd in my head

All the while

screaming

I scream so loud and no one even looks up

His pants are still too big

She still has on too much makeup

And the girl in front of me

she’s still stupid

but she seems so happy

I want to be happy

It’s all in my head

The world is perfectly imperfect

and the people

they’re so deeply shallow

I find myself in the crowd

consumed

drowning in my own depths

I think too much

I’m so obsessively careless

The silence is so loud it’s deafening

I want to scream

but instead I write

and write

and write

and I put my life on the line

Right between these blue lines

My pen bleeds my thoughts out and stains the paper with complicated simplicity

I want to slap the girl with all that makeup

I want to pull the boy’s pants up

I want to teach the stupid girl

to be sad

like me

I want to fix the world

I want to drown all the shallow people in the deep end of a pool of thought

until they’re gasping for knowledge

I am alone

because I choose to be

Locked inside my head

A prisoner of my thoughts

My only escape leaks onto this paper in black ink

and I sit alone

writing

Oblivious to everything

Knowing everyone

but myself

Locked inside my head

-Trinity Blaze (age 17)

Written on January, 22, 2002

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